We’ve all either been in a relationship, or have seen one, where one person in said relationship deliberately dominates their partner to the point of controlling their every move, mentally, and or, physically abusing them. And don’t forget the passing out of marching orders – who you can and cannot hang out with, what you can and cannot wear, how you should talk, walk, act, behave in public. The list goes on and on, and while I know there are many reasons people allow, or tolerate (I want to be sensitive to those currently in this predicament) this kind of treatment, I want to discuss one that seems obvious to the casual people-watching eye.
For men, maybe you had a mother who was a “walk-a-way Jan”, or for women, maybe you had a father who was a “walk-a-way Joe”, who knows? To me though, this scenario seems prevalent in driving this two-sided feed-dominance-eat-dominance, co-dependent relationship. Yes, I said it – CO-DEPENDENCY. I almost hate to bring the now pop-cultured term up, but it must be discussed. The vicious cycle in a co-dependent relationship can be compared to those pesky weeds in your garden. They continually attempt to cover and kill the garden and the garden continues to allow the weeds to take over. Someone comes in, plucks those weeds, but of course they take over again, and the garden allows those weeds to run roughshod all over again.
I often wonder how we don’t recognize these behaviors in ourselves, or see them in our partners. Maybe we do and we just can’t admit them to ourselves out of fear that we may have to acknowledge who we are, or what we’ve become? Maybe we’re so dependent on our partners, thinking we couldn’t possibly live without them, that we turn a blind eye? This subject genuinely perplexes me. Please let me know what you’re thinking, or provide some examples of co-dependent relationships that you’ve been in, or witnessed for yourself.
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I have been in a co-dependent relationship before. It was painful, it caused my “death” (my suicide attempt) all because of this one person. It happened this way because I let it and I am weak as I have always been. I think it’s a fear of being alone that drives people (me in particular) to stay. Now that I no longer have that fear, I think I am stronger and won’t get myself with someone like that again. Thanks Heather, this is a great blog!
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us and I’m sorry that happened to you. I think at times we’re all weak as we are all human. You sound like a strong woman who knows what she wants. I pray that you get it! Thanks again for sharing!
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