CHARGED FOR CHANGE

CHANGE

THEIR AREN’T MANY THINGS THAT I CAN’T, AT A MINIMUM, SHOULDER AT MOST TIMES. BUT ONE THING THAT REALLY GETS ME AMPED IS CHANGE, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S THRUST UPON ME LIKE WAVES ARE THRUST UPON THE SHORE. I FEEL OUT OF CONTROL, MANIC EVEN. CHANGE THAT HAPPENS SLOWLY, OR THAT I’M PREPARED FOR – SOMETHING I CAN TRANSITION INTO – I CAN DEAL WITH THAT- BUT SOMETHING OUT OF MY CONTROL LIKE EMOTIONS, FEELINGS, BIG LIFE CHANGES- GIVES ME THE SQUIRMS. WHAT ARE THE SQUIRMS, YOU ASK? THE WAY I FEEL AT THIS MOMENT- DOUBTING MYSELF, MY CHOICES, THE DIRECTION OF MY LIFE, WHERE I’M HEADED, WHO I’M HEADED THERE WITH, IS THAT THE RIGHT THING FOR ME, IS IT THE RIGHT THING FOR HIM? I HAVE THIS REEL OF QUESTIONS ON NON-STOP PLAYBACK CHARGING THROUGH MY BRAIN LIKE A BULL IN A CHINA SHOP (SORRY FOR THE IDIOM) AND I DON’T HAVE A SINGLE MOMENT’S REST TO TRY TO ANSWER JUST ONE OF THEM. MY BRAIN REFUSES TO LET UP. I DON’T BELIEVE THEIR ARE MANY THINGS WORSE THAN SELF-DOUBT. WELL, IM SURE THAT’S NOT TRUE, BUT FOR ME IT REALLY RANKS HIGH ON MY THIS-SHIT-REALLY-SUCKS LIST.

WHAT AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT AT THIS POINT? SELF-DOUBT, ANXIETIES (OH, GOOD ONE) BOTH OF THESE THINGS LIKE TO PLANT THOSE NASTY LITTLE SEED-WEEDS IN MY BRAIN AND PUT ME ON A DIRECT PATH TO CRAZYTOWN. THAT’S OK THOUGH BECAUSE TODAY IS A NEW DAY AND I REALIZE THAT IF YOU HAVE THE RIGHT PERSON TO EXPERIENCE THIS BIG, BAD SCARY CHANGE WITH, THEN WHAT’S THE PROBLEM, I MEAN REALLY? ISN’T THAT THE WHOLE POINT, OR SO IM TOLD? I MAY HAVE MENTIONED THIS IN A PREVIOUS BLOG, BUT LIFE IS HARD (DUH, WE ALL KNOW THAT HEATHER!! NOT A HUGE REVELATION) AND LIFE IS ALSO GREAT. IT’S EASY TO EXPERIENCE LIFE WITH SOMEONE WHEN TIMES ARE ELEVATED, IT’S FINDING THAT ONE PERSON THAT YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH THE HARD TIMES WITH, TOO. BEING THAT SOMEONE FOR EACH OTHER WHEN YOU NEED TO FEEL SECURITY AND FEELING LIKE YOU CAN RELY ON THE OTHER PERSON NO MATTER WHAT.

WHAT DOES ALL THIS HAVE TO DO WITH CHANGE? I DON’T KNOW. I WOKE WITH A BETTER ATTITUDE THIS MORNING AND REALIZED, HEY, WHAT AM I STRESSING ABOUT? I’VE GOT THIS CHANGE UPRISING IN THE BAG. BE MY BITCH CHANGE!!!!

 HAPPY MONDAY TO EVERYONE! SMILE AND SAY HELLO TO SOMEONE THAT YOU DON’T NORMALLY SPEAK TO. YOU NEVER KNOW…YOU MIGHT MAKE THEIR DAY A LITTLE BETTER AND IT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL PRETTY DARN GOOD, TOO.

 

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