Ok, so I’ve put some serious thought into why I went from personality type A to personality type B (or whatever type I am) in 5.4 seconds a couple years back. Maybe some of you can relate, maybe not, but I’m sharing anyway.
After putting some serious reflection time in, I have to say, I transformed from this carefree, head-in-the-clouds, silly blonde (box color, so I had some hope) who wanted nothing, but to party all the time, to becoming this somewhat uptight ( I hate to say that about myself, but such is the truth, I suppose), introverted (not a bad thing), intellectual-reader/artist/writer 🙂 who spends most of her time alone. And when I say total transformation (could drink most guys under the table) – TOTAL transformation is what is meant. And no doubt, it makes me wonder what the hell happened, but at the same time, don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining at all. I don’t want to be that shallow party girl who thought mostly of herself (if I thought at all) before her friends, or didn’t even bother to notice other people’s presence and or state of mind. That sounds like a lot, but there has to be some kind of happy medium, yeah? Or better yet, why am I even bothering looking for justification as to why I changed? Who knows, but at times I have to admit, I miss the old me, but I cannot honestly say it’s for healthy reasons. It feels more like addiction – addiction to a lifestyle that is no longer in my sphere. And really, do I want it to be? No I do not. I do, however, need to find balance. My therapist once told me to visualize a scale in my mind. Instead of being all the way to the right, or all the way to the left, try to envision what my life would look like, what Heather would look like, if she were in the middle.
I still haven’t accomplished that task, though not for lack of trying.
So, hear and now I’m somewhat entertained with my shaky footing on this tight wire, balancing act of mine. If anyone out there can relate, or share advice, please drop a few thoughts.